You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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