I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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