Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i now understand why vodka
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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