420 ftw
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
