return my video game
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
