dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
