Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
