i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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