Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
