Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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