I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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