is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
