I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize