basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
