whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
