We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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