New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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