I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
