it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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