I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
