do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
