glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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