I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
