I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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