Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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