awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
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we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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