I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
