So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
