you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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