i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
