If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
