Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
