Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
