i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
