whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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