My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
