I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
