I accidentally burped into my bong.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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