that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
