just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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