I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
