I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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