i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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