i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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