It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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