I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
