i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
