You work out of a Hotel?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's always time for handjobs
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They took my balls.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
