I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
