I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
