He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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