once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
