I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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