Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize