so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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