No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
