i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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