So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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